You might have remembered a very personal reaction to my readings of “The Disconnected Man”, as not only could I find takeaways which cross-applied to my own experiences of having disconnected men in my family – what was quite interesting as I continued to think about the subject after I finished reading Mr Turner’s book is how it is true – there are some women who are also emotionally disconnected as I had experienced this as well. Therefore, it truly is an inspiring book to be reading – if only to better understand those who see and experience life differently from those of us who are emotionally connected to everything.
I wanted to start a conversation on my blog with Mr Turner which would examine what inspired him to draw the idea of the book together but also, to reach out to him and see if he could explain how this particular topic is not just of an interest of his but how this should be something everyone takes stock of and finds an a reason to become involved with how it affects more lives than you might first imagine it could. I am a strong believer in how books – Fiction or Non-Fiction – are beautiful gateways into encouraging empathy and compassion, of expanding our world-view and of giving us a path towards understanding those who are different from us. Books are a way of understanding something we might feel confused about or something we never truly knew existed until the subject was broached by an author who understood the subject well enough to make it palatable for us to feel a connection with as well. In essence, if we have an open-mind, through reading we constantly learn & grown dynamically throughout our lives.
I wanted to take a moment to have Mr Turner share his thoughts with us as an anchour to revealling my readerly reactions wherein I left behind a personal response as the book was evocative of my own experiences of striving towards better patience & humility to better understand how & why men who are disconnected need us to take extra measures to not allow our frustrations to turn to feeling bitter or left behind. You’ll have to read my ruminative thoughts to better understand why I connect to the message of The Disconnected Man – however, today, it is Mr Turner who is imparting a bit of clarity about how he approached writing his book.
I look forward to reading your responses & I am thankful I could chat with Mr Turner giving you an insightful conversation to read! Remember: brew a cuppa & enjoy your visit!
Mr Turner did not disappoint me with his frank and earnest approach to piecing together this condition of being emotionally removed from all aspects of a lived life – except to say, no one is keenly that far removed from their experiences – it’s simply a matter of how each of us approaches how to process our experiences. Of how we shape our emotional reactions and if we choose to share those bits of ourselves with others – there are layers of vulnerability not everyone is comfortable with revealling to the outside world – this in effect is one cause of disconnection.
At the end of Chapter Two is a beautiful pause of thought in how to approach the men who are disconnected in your own life. From my own experiences – leading into a conversations head-on about something that is affecting a loved one’s life hasn’t been the best approach to be honest! If anything, it’s been the wrong way round completely! I take after my Mum and the rest of the women in my family – we like a more direct approach – of understanding what is going on and how we can focus our energies on either fixing it or repairing it – depending on what it is exactly that is affecting us. We’d rather know what we can ‘do’ rather than sit and wait to see how things will resolve without taking action. This isn’t just physical action – it’s also through our own walk in prayer and our own conversations with God. Of seeking out our internal wellness even if we’re working on a physical bout of unwellness – yet, I’ve noted that not everyone likes to know exactly what is wrong or how something they are afflicted with actually has a definition and ‘name’. Some take the longer approach to resolving whatever it is they are conflicted with and that in of itself is also (at times) frustrating for others in the family.
This is a beautiful primer for women who are frustrated with the men in their lives who are not translating their emotions into their conversations and are not being ‘present’ in their lives in an emotionally connectable way. For men, I think it might take them a bit longer to accept the message and to consider the implications – of how staying disconnected truly isn’t advantageous to them because it allows them to live superficially removed from the people who are important in their lives.
As I was reading the story about Mr Turner, I was cross-comparing his journey with those men in my lives I know this condition relates to directly. There are commonalities and there are differences as everyone is individually unique unto themselves and of course, on a different path from one another as well. What was pivotal and insightful is how he presented the case for disconnection becoming the mainstay in our society and how there are more disconnected men than there are connected men.
Author Q&A (The Disconnected Man) Subtitle: breaking down walls and restoring intimacy with him
THE DISCONNECTED MAN tracks the journey of one man's surprise discovery of his own disconnectedness and his desire to help other men, and the women who love them, before it is too late.
Disconnected men hide out in plain view: in our churches, in our families and in our communities. They are competent, capable men who quietly 'do their duty' and attract little attention. They are fairly happy guys, relatively unemotional and capable of carrying heavy loads of responsibility, but are very difficult to get to know beyond superficial friendship. A closer examination inside their marriages reveals a desert strewn with emotionally emaciated spouses. While their competence may build the church, organize a group, or run a company, they haven't the slightest notion how to connect intimately with those they love. Their wives suffer, usually in silence, while the church and culture press past this couple secretly falling apart.
Jim Turner was that disconnected man going about his life, happily fulfilling his duty within his own self-protective bubble, until God suddenly burst it in a most horrific way. His story starts when that devastation left him clinging precariously to the remaining shreds of his broken marriage. Jim longs to share with other disconnected men what he learned through that ordeal, to help them understand their disobedience and show how they can achieve real connection with those they love.
What did you initially do to change your disconnected life from the moment you realized this was something which was going to adversely affect the rest of your life?
Turner responds: I wish I had a really clever answer to this question. I mostly fumbled around in a blank haze initially. I didn’t know what to do. Once the fog started lifting and I had spent enough time praying and asking God to help me, I started with my adult children. I sat them down and asked them for help. I told them what I had discovered about myself, that I really didn’t know how to do relationships, and asked them to teach me, keep me accountable, and even rebuke me when they saw me fail. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done. My kids have taught me a great deal about relating and being emotionally available!
As you might have been expecting if you caught sight of this blog tour ahead of time – I was meant to read and share my thoughts on behalf of the novel – however, there was a mail glitch which made the novel’s arrival into my postbox slightly delayed! I can happily announce though – the novel has made its way to me and I’ll be reading it this week! Therefore, as I am only posting a spotlight to announce my intentions to read the story and giving you a chance to ‘meet’ the characters in this lovely extract which was provided to me by Prism Book Tours – I wanted to explain what had happened and why I had to change what I was doing for the blog tour itself.
I have been having such a delightful time getting acquainted with Harlequin & Mills and Boon authors lately – as you will see quite a few authors have been highlighted on my blog since late last year and into the first few months of [2018]. It is partially due to a re-focus on seeking out the stories – as it wasn’t too long ago when I was regularly reading Harlequin authors. I used to focus on the parenthood stories and the stories about single fathers – I even started collecting the “Babies & Bachelors USA” series as I found it wicked fascinating how it was showcased!
You can imagine then, why the premise behind this title stood out to me!! I also have a soft spot for second chance romances and the curious way in which children help romance to bloom if a single parent is taking a chance on finding true love. There are so many different ways to enter into a narrative like this one and I look forward to seeing the choices Ms Marshall made herself as I am thankful she was able to re-send the book. Until I start it, however, the extract I was given to showcase today is about children and the curious ways in which being a parent are both the highlight and the joy of being alive because children give us a chance to re-discover the world through their eyes and the innocent ways in which they find their curiosity inspiring them to better understand the world. Even if sometimes, they try our patience, their presence is a blessing in which we never fail to realise is part of what makes our experiences full of hope and love.
If your a regular reader of Harlequin Romances or their other imprints, I look forward to your comments – seeing what you love to read by Harlequin and of course, if you know of any mini-series or authors I might enjoy seeking out – kindly let me know! My local library has a hearty collection of their stories and I love finding new Harlequin authors to read!
Happily return on 2nd of March, to read my review!
“Will you be my dad?”
Ask me anything but that.
Once upon a time, Dr. Daniel Delaney had it all. But he lost it in the blink of an eye, and he won’t let himself fall again—not even for his dedicated new assistant, Keela O’Mara, and her adorable, lonely little girl, Anna. Resisting a starry-eyed four-year-old is tough enough. Denying her perfect, loving single mom may be more than Daniel can handle…
Converse via: #Contemporary #Romance & #Harlequin
Published by: Special Edition (@HarlequinBooks) | imprint of Harlequin
Acquired Book By: I have been a blog tour hostess with Cedar Fort for the past three years, wherein I took a brief hiatus from hosting before resuming August 2016. I appreciate the diversity of the stories the Indie publisher is publishing per year, not only for fiction and non-fiction but for healthy eats within their Front Table Books (cookbooks). I appreciate their dedication to writing general market, INSPY reads and LDS focused stories across the genres they publish.
I received a complimentary copy of “The Forgotten Girl” direct from the publisher Sweetwater Books (an imprint of Cedar Fort Inc.) in exchange for an honest review. I did not receive compensation for my opinions or thoughts shared herein.
There is something about Biological Historical Fiction which pulls me inside the stories – of seeing how close we are to grasping the truths of our ancestors – known or unknown – as we traverse back through time, if only to pause for breath within a lived life so wholly brought back to life through the writer’s heartful attempt at honouring the past. This is also true of why I love reading Historical Fiction, as we get to re-live the past, seek out the hidden truths therein finding new empathy and understanding for our own lives today. There is a wider scope of how everyone is inter-connected and by re-visiting the historical lives of those who came before us we can find further insight into our world and into what unites us rather than focusing on our differences which try to divide us.
One particular branch of Biological Historical Fiction I am loving are the stories writ straight out the ancestral records and living histories of the writers themselves! I have had the pleasure of reading quite a number of these kinds of stories the past few years, each time I stumble across them I am truly thankful for the time the writer has taken to not only tell the stories but to find such an authentic voice of their ancestors channelling through their story.
As soon as I picked up The Forgotten Girl it did not sound like a contemporary writer was telling this story – it was one of those rare moments where it felt akin to a descendant who had fused so truly into their ancestor’s life as to channel them directly forward to tell their own story. These beautiful quotation banners were provided by the author for me to use as I help spread the word about this novel, as it truly is a story everyone who loves a hard-won second chance, a renewal of spirit and the redemptive healing of true love will attest this novel rounds out the true impression of what Ms Chapman’s great-grandparents (Stella and Mike) truly could have experienced when they were alive.
This first quotation I’m sharing is at the heart of Stella’s story – which lies at the heart of all our stories, for those of us who are seeking to change our stars or to endeavour to live elsewhere from whence we were bourne. We might cross miles rather than oceans, but wherever each of us is led to live and take a leap of faith towards seeking out a new path elsewhere from where we once were is to etch out a will towards believing in what tomorrow can yield even if the path isn’t clearly defined to follow. This quote speaks to how change is sometimes so mute and subtle as you nearly feel you’ve imagined hearing it against the wind. I felt it was an accurate statement for Stella’s change of destiny, too. She had to fight her doubt and believe in the unthinkable whilst holding onto the change which nearly didn’t arrive in time to alter her journey.
It is 1906, and sixteen-year-old Stella’s future in Durliosy, Poland has never looked bleaker. After losing her parents at a young age, she was taken in by her brother’s family. But now, after yearsof mistreatment, she determines to escape her brother and the oppression of Russian-occupied Poland and travel to America - a land of hope and opportunity.
Determined to find her independence, Stella is not looking for love, but after arriving in Fells Point, Maryland, she’s can’t help but be drawn in by a tall stranger, despite his rough exterior. What follows is a journey of love, loss and self-discovery. Can Stella find happiness in her new life? Will she be able to let someone love her, and can she let herself love him in return?
Inspired by a true story, witness how a forgotten girl made her life truly unforgettable.
Converse via: #HistFic or #HistoricalFiction, Stories based on #Ancestry
About Heather Chapman
Heather Chapman currently resides in Soda Springs, Idaho, with her husband and four children. She graduated magna cum laude from Brigham Young University. Heather has worked in various administrative assistant roles and as an event planner. Heather has also worked as a piano accompanist and piano teacher on the side. She currently spends her time writing and working as a stay-at-home mother.
Acquired Book By:I am a new reviewer for Hachette Books and their imprints, starting with FaithWords which is their INSPY (Inspirational Fiction & Non-Fiction) imprint of releases focusing on uplifting and spiritual stories which are a delight to read whilst engaging your mind in life affirming and heart-centered stories. I found Hachette via Edelweiss at the conclusion of [2015] and have been wicked happy I can review for their imprints Grand Central Publishing, FaithWords & Center Street.
I received a complimentary copy of “The Disconnected Man” direct from the publisher FaithWords (an imprint of Hachette Book Group Inc.) in exchange for an honest review. I did not receive compensation for my opinions or thoughts shared herein.
What drew me into reading this story:
I am sure like most families, the subject of this book is going to ring true of the men you’ve known all of your life – not all of them, but the ones who struggle with connecting emotionally and being emotionally vulnerable to how they connect to others. At least, this is true of my family. When I read the premise of this memoir which is written like a self-help guide for men (and women who have disconnected men in their lives) I had a suspicion it was a well-timed release I ought to be reading straight-away! And, I did begin it within a short period of time of receiving it – had I not been as afflicted by health issues the latter half of 2017, I might have honestly had the chance to share my thoughts on this story before the close of December!
What was very empowering about the authentic nature of the voice inside the book is how openly raw the writer is sharing his story about disconnecting. There was only one small fraction of the book I didn’t feel fit as well with the purpose behind it (which I outlined below my review) – as it seemed to take away from the momentum which began very early on in the Introduction – yet even with this small wrinkle, the joy for me was reading a book which was so incredibly clarifying about a quite maddening reality so many of us face whilst trying to understand why some of us disconnect whilst the rest of us are permanently connected.
I highly encourage everyone who feels they can relate to the context of this memoir to take a leap of faith and read it. It might not only change your perspective about the foundational issues affecting this condition of being emotionally distant from others but it strikes the heart of the reader for endeavouring to talk openly about a subject not many would feel comfortable broaching in private much less in such a public forum of discussion. I applaud the author for taking a bold step and sharing his story to better enable all of us to best understand those who cannot share a part of themselves as openly as the rest of us.
The Disconnected Man Subtitle: breaking down walls and restoring intimacy with him
THE DISCONNECTED MAN tracks the journey of one man's surprise discovery of his own disconnectedness and his desire to help other men, and the women who love them, before it is too late.
Disconnected men hide out in plain view: in our churches, in our families and in our communities. They are competent, capable men who quietly 'do their duty' and attract little attention. They are fairly happy guys, relatively unemotional and capable of carrying heavy loads of responsibility, but are very difficult to get to know beyond superficial friendship. A closer examination inside their marriages reveals a desert strewn with emotionally emaciated spouses. While their competence may build the church, organize a group, or run a company, they haven't the slightest notion how to connect intimately with those they love. Their wives suffer, usually in silence, while the church and culture press past this couple secretly falling apart.
Jim Turner was that disconnected man going about his life, happily fulfilling his duty within his own self-protective bubble, until God suddenly burst it in a most horrific way. His story starts when that devastation left him clinging precariously to the remaining shreds of his broken marriage. Jim longs to share with other disconnected men what he learned through that ordeal, to help them understand their disobedience and show how they can achieve real connection with those they love.
Jim Turner has been in youth or pastoral ministry for over twenty-five years and has personally experienced the pain and damage caused by disconnection. He is divorced as a direct result of his former disconnection, father of four incredible young adults, and now remarried and living in the delight of being truly connected with his wife. He has individually fought the battle to overcome disconnection and has entered into rich and fruitful relationships that reflect the commands of Christ for intimacy with Him and His followers. He "gets it" now and wants everyone else to join him!
Jim is also the author of SO-CALLED CHRISTIAN, and coauthor of the discipleme discipleship workbooks (and soon to be released app) based on the need for disciple leaders to develop connected relationships with disciples rather than simply teaching them lessons.
Jim, his wife Tanya, and their blended family of ten children (only seven still at home!) live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. They enjoy music, theater, beach trips, great food, entertaining friends and family, and most of all being together!
As you might recall, I happily read a novel in January which was set in Russia and captialised on a living person’s life – my latest in finding a compelling Biological Historical narrative which was so wickedly writ to the truth of the woman’s life as to make you feel you had walked a proper mile in her shoes. The author and I staid in touch after my review posted during her lovely blog tour – as I had hoped all along to feature her in a guest post talking about specific points of her story-line (the cross-references to today’s current events) and the curious hidden meanings (if any) behind the choice in ‘title’.
This lead to a wonderfully planned out essay which Ms Laam has written to be shared with all of you – I love how she talks to the purposeful meaning behind what is truly ‘lost’ and how the theme behind the title is played throughout the story, further revealling the homage seen in the title. Whilst I had observed whilst I was reading the novel, there are a lot of carry-overs into today’s society about the rights for women and the further need for our rights to be upheld in all instances (not just in the workplace). Natayla did not live in an age of freedom where she would have more choices than those which were availed to her and in many ways, her story does read like a tragic love story. I personally felt Natayla had been given a bad rap in History – as I sided with the author’s own reflections after I finished reading her rendition about her life.
Too often women in History are misunderstood or their motives are misconstrued in modern eras – in Natayla’s case, I don’t believe any historians had fully given her a chance to have her voice heard much less understood. When you read about what she was facing and what she was going through – your heart softens to her plight. You can definitely feel empathy for her and in the end, what is truly sad is how it all unfolds into such an emotionally charged ending. I am unsure if she’s a victim of the times or a victim of how sometimes you can become a victim of circumstances which are never fully resolved. In her case, love was not something without conditions placed against it and her life was never truly her own.
I hope you enjoy reading Ms Laam’s guest essay about “The Lost Season of Love & Snow” – perhaps inspiring you to pick up a copy of this dearly inspiring Historical narrative or if you’ve already read it – perhaps this will help clue you into things you’ve observed whilst you were reading it. Either way, be sure to brew yourself a cuppa and enjoy ruminating about what the author leaves behind to be pondered!
Why I was interested in learning more about the hidden meaning behind this title:
There are so many keen moments of beautiful prose in this narrative – of observations on ordinary objects, to the traditions of holidays and the little touches of rooting us within the time-line of History, as Natayla steps further into the foreground of the story. The people she is interacting with are as viable as anything else being described because of the nature of how close certain circles were kept and maintained. It was fitting to find her in such company because her movements in social circles was evidence enough she would cross certain people’s path at some point or another. What lends such a gasp of awe for us who are reading about her for the first time is how her path started to intersect with so many well-known figures of her generation. A bit like the Fitzgeralds in the 1920s who curbed the market for knowing all the latest persons in literature, art, music and the creative arts.
It was not long for me to feel lost inside the world Ms Laam created within the pages of The Lost Season of Love and Snow; for this was a coming-of-age story which created it’s own niche out of what is known and unknown within the fables of history. As we dig further into the life of Natalya, we find a girl who is maturing into her own skin, of sorting out her emotions and of finding she does not fully ascribe to her mother’s sensible beliefs about marriage and life. Within these pages, you get to tuck close to her, watching her as she moves through the hours and attempts to forestall the influence of her sisters and brothers whilst owning to the fact, without being married she is still under her mother’s rules. This is partially what captured my attention most – as in so many ways this story reminded me why I love Little Women.
Guest Post (Jennifer Laam) Subtitle: The Lost Season of Love and Snow by Jennifer Laam
The unforgettable story of Alexander Pushkin’s beautiful wife, Natalya, a woman much admired at Court, and how she became reviled as the villain of St. Petersburg.
At the age of sixteen, Natalya Goncharova is stunningly beautiful and intellectually curious. But while she finds joy in French translations and a history of Russian poetry, her family is more concerned with her marriage prospects. It is only fitting that during the Christmas of 1828 at her first public ball in her hometown of Moscow she attracts the romantic attention of Russia’s most lauded rebel poet: Alexander Pushkin.
Enchanted at first sight, Natalya is already a devoted reader of Alexander’s serialized novel in verse, Evgeny Onegin. The most recently published chapter ends in a duel, and she is dying to learn what happens next. Finding herself deeply attracted to Alexander’s intensity and joie de vivre, Natalya hopes to see him again as soon as possible.
What follows is a courtship and later marriage full of equal parts passion and domestic bliss but also destructive jealousies. When vicious court gossip leads to Alexander dying from injuries earned defending his honor as well as Natalya’s in a duel, Natalya finds herself reviled for her alleged role in his death. With beautiful writing and understanding, Jennifer Laam, and her compelling new novel, The Lost Season of Love and Snow, help Natalya tell her side of the story—the story of her greatest love and her inner struggle to create a fulfilling life despite the dangerous intrigues of a glamorous imperial Court.
Author Q&A (The Disconnected Man)
The Forgotten Girl
Guest Post (Jennifer Laam)