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Are we ever ready to say “goodbye” to someone we love?
I never thought I’d be blogging about the loss of a cat
during the year I felt couldn’t surprise me anymore
with unexpected stress and a multitude of adversities.
REMEMBER when I first shared this?
10 days before Christmas, we lost our little Tux.
And, we almost lost my father three ways to Sunday.
And, we’re fighting like heck to get him the time he needs to RECOVER
whilst feeling harassed and railroaded by both doctors and the hospital.
In regards to my life behind the blog:
It will not come to a shocked surprise to anyone whose following me via Twitter the circumstances I’ve been facing alongside my Mum in regards to my Dad. For those of you who strictly follow my blog, I apologise for the long radio silence in updating you about why my blog has become a bit stagnant and has simply stopped where I left it during #SciFiMonth. I didn’t even get the chance to properly finish Sci Fi Month this past November nor did I get to release the prompt posts as I had intended to do either. Those are still lost to Drafts but they’re going to be finished this January (as it will give me something diverting to focus on) and the rest of my plans for #SciFiMonth will debut this November, 2023. Including my focus on the stories and writings of E. Chris Garrison.
You could say we had an insurrecting medical emergency which became compounded and complex as the days and weeks moved forward in regards to my father. He was hospitalised twice in November but the second time, instead of coming home he had to go into a rehab facility which also offered long-term care if needed. He had a wonderful surgeon at the hospital who did his due diligence and found that my father had a blood clot in his leg and at that time, he had found two aneurisms. I ought to mention that his former surgeon who saved his life post-stroke in [2016] was a changed man this time round. His bedside manner was abominable, and we fought for a second opinion which we learnt was never done. Mum and I are fierce and strong – guess they never met a family like ours, eh? Because of our insistence, Dad received top level care and had a vascular surgeon who went wayy past the extra mile to discern and diagnose what was wrong.
Not the best news to receive as a family by any means. However, we were still leaning hard on hope that perhaps despite this news there would be a bit of Hope for my father to recover and/or still have a bit of time with us overall. As any one of those conditions could be deadly in of its own.
Meanwhile, whilst that was happening, our Tux was struggling to recover from the passing of our Tabby as she was 17 years old and he was 18. She grew up in his shadow and over the years and she’s lost two other cats; they were from three different litters and cat families. All rescues and had formed their own found family. You could see their bond and their love whilst they grew up as they were all stepping stones in regards to age when they were younger: 9 months (twins), 4 months and she had been only 2 months when we adopted her and brought her home. She struggled with her grief, and we were trying to comfort her as best we could but it’s hard to describe what is happening and what has changed. She only knew one thing – her constant companion, the patriarch of her family was GONE and that was something that she personally struggled with reconciling.
She’d lost her best friend and her father figure when she was in kittenhood. It was hard to watch her go through all that, but she was starting to rebound and find her new rhythm without having another cat around. We considered bringing in a new cat, to be companion to her but we were advised due to her age and what she’d already lost, that might not be interpreted right by her and we didn’t want to add more stress to her situation. We spent a lot of time just being with her and letting her know she had us to draw strength from as well. We thought she was going to be alright until of course, my Dad went to the hospital for the second time and didn’t come home. We recognised a change in our Tux almost straightaway.
I told Mum, she’s viewing this as a second death in too short of a time. We couldn’t convince her that Dad was still with us – just at hospital and lateron at the rehab/nursing home. Her health started to decline slowly at first and then, there reached a moment where Mum and I knew she couldn’t rebound. She didn’t want to leave us – she wasn’t ready but her health was against her. She died 10 days before Christmas. The next evening, on the 26th of December my father was back in the ER and I was called out of work because they weren’t sure how things were going to pan out that night. It was a very long hard four hours of waiting for test results. Thankfully for my Dad, he had a third aneurysm which didn’t require immediate surgery. They were hoping the medicine he was already prescribed would work on this one as well. To say we were all relieved cannot be articulated enough nor of the fact he didn’t need an emergency transfer to an out of area hospital.
We barely had time to grieve the loss of our Tux as my Dad’s continuing medical issues and emergencies started to pick up speed quite fast from there. He was also in isolation for ten days as he had the flu associated with Covid. We could only communicate by phone and I won’t even go into how much harder that was due to faulty phones! Until then, none of us had contracted the virus and I think it was due to the living environment at the rehab/nursing home which had issues with everyone coming down with a variant of the virus. It almost felt inevitable. From that moment onward, we thought Dad would continue to gain strength and overcome his illness, but his situation started to take a downward turn.
He was back in the hospital on Tuesday, 10th of January with pneumonia (co-related to Covid) and an AKI (acute kidney injury) from dehydration. At least that is what they were telling us. I’ve did more research online today (in the early hours of the morning!) and learnt that actually he might have had Covid long before they realised it as he was presenting symptoms I didn’t realise were related to the virus itself. Mum and I were practically living at that place since he entered it as they were always calling us for one reason or another, and so we had eyes on Dad regularly. We started to pick up on things they missed or just overlooked. We told them everything and sometimes that worked and sometimes it felt like fighting City Hall as they say. We had lost our ability to intervene and react to what we were observing because he was now in a facility. All of that blessedly changed when Mum received her POA (power of attorney) papers and that gave her a SUPERPOWER. Lest I digress and mention that due to a clerical error I nearly lost my own ability to find out news about my own father! (grr!)
That particular Tuesday was the same day our car died and with the grace and kindness of strangers and neighbours, I was able to continue working at my night job with rides to and from work. Whilst one of Mum’s co-workers took us to the hospital on Thursday, as they weren’t sure if Dad was going to pull through or not as he was in the ICU. They did downgrade him that afternoon, for reasons we didn’t quite understand and that is where we were talking to him and saying goodbye for about the third time now, as he’s had a lot of touch and go situations medically that could have swung either way. I know Mum and I are emotionally spent as a result and it is very difficult to wake everyday and not know what you’re going to be told next or what other news is going to be shared.
And, that is one of the most FRUSTRATING aspects of this whole journey of ours. The medical community this past week has been overtly harassing and insidiously aggressive against us and against my father. They expect too much too fast and do not recognise or will not acknowledge that sometimes some patients need longer recovery times. Whilst of course, they fail to realise he does better at night than he does during the day – which is a bit of a quirk. The daytime staff see a different side of him than the night team and that is also difficult as well. I feel they want him to have this quick turnaround without hours/days and I’m not even sure if someone younger could present that much positive change when they are facing everything my Dad is facing right now. Including getting over a swollen and inflamed throat and also, recovering from pneumonia and the AKI. Sometimes I find there are gaps in medicine and in levels of care. Mum and I have been actively advocating for him – both at the rehab/nursing home and also at the hospital throughout the last month and fortnight. It is EXHAUSTING. Not just emotionally but mentally, too because it feels like you’re trying to fight something you cannot win. It is also hard when someone else is in charge of your loved one and you can’t intervene as quickly as you could if they were at home.
I do realise that if my Dad can’t fight or can’t continue to try to fight, than it is time to seek out an option that would allow him to pass on peacefully but due to my recent experiences that option is NO LONGER the option that starts with “H” but in this particular instance, I felt like it was more of an insistence from everyone (ie. at the hospital, his doctors) than a moment of pause to see if he could get over these obstacles and hurdles medically. It has taken a toll on Mum and I; because emotionally, it just isn’t easy trying to listen to your heart and leaning on your faith in the midst of everything and still trying to make choices that are right for your loved one, too.
And, this is why I’ve been radio silent on my blog and have only intermittently been vocal on Twitter where I microblogged my updates as best I could. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone through something like this but it never gets any easier. It is HARD and it is EMOTIONALLY gutting because how is anyone ready at any point in time to let go of someone they love? Especially if everything in their health changed within such a short period of time. Prior to the end of November, Dad was living at home and to think about where he is right now is almost too hard to even reconcile. And, yet they (ie. medical staff) keep trying to rewrite his own history! They keep saying he wasn’t at home and wasn’t mobile and eating regularly, etc, etc. I’ve been so fighting mad so many times, it is a wonderment how I’ve managed to maintain my own wellness because I’ve felt like could boil over with emotions and anger so many times! Yet, part of why I hadn’t let myself explode is because I have been redirecting that anger to seek out answers and options and until this early Sunday morning, I didn’t even know there was a stop-gap between hospitals (which know I realised are called “short term hospitals”) and/or nursing homes or the “H” (which for me is never an option in future). There is this blessedly ‘other place’ called long term care hospitals. And, thank goodness for them!
All I know is this — my Dad needs more time. Four days, five or even a week is NOT ENOUGH TIME for anyone to get over all the medical issues he’s facing and if in the end he loses the fight, then at least we gave him the time he needed rather than having some medical staff person telling us he isn’t allowed to have that time at all. Who has the right to timestamp your life and your death? NO ONE. And, he is even starting to eat a bit now… as his appetite was gone. I heard him say on the phone just two days ago that his throat was very sore and it was not just difficult to talk but to drink or eat. How they think he can manage to eat more or drink more at this point is beyond me. Reflecting on my own illness in November it took me over seven to eight days to eat ANYTHING near normal as I could barely drink half a mug of broth much less a bit of water or hot tea! It took me over three weeks to even feel like I was able to eat without telling myself to eat because I had zero appetite myself and I had a low tolerance for food overall. And, I’m in my early forties! They need to back down and give my father a break.
I digress.
Meanwhile, it has been weighing on us that we miss having a companion in fur and we sought out different routes we could take to adopt a cat this February. We knew we needed time to adjust to losing two our cats these past several months but also, we needed time to just re-group within our new normal. As Mum has a new job and I am back to my full schedule of hours at night – as I had downgraded my hours after I fell ill in late November. We miss the companionship and the purrs. Cats have a way of sensing your needs even before you know what they are yourself. We knew we wanted to adopt a rescue cat and I’m thankful to say we found one that puts the cats first and they even let you visit with the cats available for adoption and oft times apparently, the cat comes to you and selects you rather than the other way round.
And, let’s be real — we seriously NEED an EMOTIONAL SUPPORT CAT!
I look forward to that day, but originally, I thought my Dad was going to be in long-term care as he was on a six-month timeframe to get over the clot in his leg and to see if the aneurisms would reduce in size as well. I was just getting comfortable again visiting one of my loved ones in a nursing home (as again, I’ve gone through all of this multiple times from the age of 7 to 24). None of us knows what is coming round the corner but I admit, my heart just feels a bit more fractured than it did in October. I know my future is not in this state (where I live) as more than ever, Mum and I still have plans to relocate and start over somewhere else. And, that hurts a bit more too because that plan originally included my father. He always wanted to relocate with us.
This morning I feel a bit more hopeful that maybe he could relocate with us — but that’s getting a bit too far afield. Right now, we have a battle to win, and that battle involves where his discharge papers will route him and I’ll won’t back down until we get him into a long-term recovery hospital with a care team of support, he not only understands his medical complications and issues but will give him care with both compassion and empathy rather than criticism and dismissal. Mum and I are fierce warriors and between us, just let them stand in our way! We’re strong and we ROAR.
I’m not sure what else I can say right now. Since the end of November until today, it has been a revolving door of daily or every other day visits to either the nursing home, the ER or one of the floors of the hospital. All whilst working full-time and striving to work through my emotions and handle the stresses I have at work without losing it emotionally on the job. I have my good and bad days like anyone else. When work is slow, my thoughts wander and that’s when I get a bit more emotional but thankfully, the job I have gets high volumes of busyness and it gives me a slight reprieve from my thoughts and emotions. The same is true for Mum, too. Which is one reason she took a new job as she wanted to focus on something other than what we were living through because it does get difficult day in and day out.
Just writing this today has been emotional. Tears were shed throughout the process of sorting out my thougths and how I wanted to blog them. They’re only giving my Dad this weekend to make positive changes they feel he needs to make before they will seek discharge and that is why come Monday, Mum and I have our work cut out for us. Again, we know that if he can’t fight any longer than we have to prepare ourselves to let go and say our final goodbyes but at this point, we’ve faced that moment so many times now, I know can do it. We can prepare for the turmoil coming nor the recovery of grief lateron but we can do what we can today and let tomorrow become tomorrow.
For anyone else facing these kinds of traumas and emotional adversities, know you’re not alone. Be strong and lean hard on your faith and take comfort in the small joys that arise through the chaos.
IF your new to my blog, you might be interest in these posts where I talked about my past losses: Two Years, Two Cats as well as You’re never quite prepared to say, “Good-bye” and of course when I talked about losing our tabby in October, 2022.
In regards to my blog and readerly life:
Somewhere betwixt October and November, I lost the ability to focus on blogging, reading and tweeting. First it was due to grief and then, it was due to the incredible amount of stress Mum and I were facing with Dad’s medical emergencies and continuing hospital visits and stays. It felt like you couldn’t relax because something else was going to happen and we were constantly on ‘alert’ even if a day or week passed and nothing happened at all. We just KNEW something would, it was only a matter of time. And, of course it did and continued to grow a bit more complicated and complex as the weeks wore on.
For the second year in a row, I also worked straight through the holidays: Halloween, Christmas and New Year’s as well as Thanksgiving. Even despite having to reduce my hours at the end of November and for most of December — it was a lot to contend with as I was also rebuilding my own health and wellness after taking ill. I thought I would never get my stamina back and then, of course, as I barely had time to grieve the loss of a second cat in such a short period of time, somewhere between the death of my Tux and the boomerang effect of my Dad at hospital, I found my strength and my stamina. Because one of the days this past week, we even had to walk home (took forty minutes) as we couldn’t get a ride home. This was when our car was still at the shop getting sorted as the mechanics were striving to resolve what went wrong with it.
I missed hosting an interview for one blog tour in December, and I fell behind on some readings for stories I received for review considerations as well. I sent emails alerting those persons about what was going on in my life and thankfully, they gave me extensions as to be honest, my heart just wasn’t into reading as much as I hoped it could be at that point. Except I think I forgot to update a few others people and hopefully if they read this post, they’ll understand. I could focus on a movie or a tv series but beyond that, I just felt too exhausted to focus on reading anything in print and the few times I tried to listen to an audiobook, my focus wandered. Except of course for the first Wonderland Detective Agency audiobook which we all listened too before, during and after Halloween — and that became my favourite read for #SpooktasticReads at the end of October. At some junction, I’ll be relistening to it and updating my reactions alongside Mum’s — sharing a full review as well. For now, just know it left a lasting impression!
I am finding that I am going to focus on listening to audiobooks more this year, as reading in print is a slower route for me right now. I’m not sure why either but audio stories just resonate with me and I’m going to focus on those as well as continue to read stories in print but like I said, it just takes me longer to get through them. On that note, I have a blog tour scheduled at the end of January and I’ll be listening to the two stories ahead of this one as it is a trilogy (at least I think it’s one?). I didn’t overbook January-March as I wasn’t sure what was going to be on with my Dad and also, because I knew it might take me a bit to re-shift into a rhythm, I felt comfortable with blogging and reading, etc.
There are a few posts from #SciFiMonth 2022 I want to finish writing and editing and slating to release them this January. Their the prompt challenge posts as I didn’t get the chance to listen and read the stories by E. Chris Garrison I had planned to feature this past November. I have shifted those into my 10th November hosting Sci Fi Month in 2023 as this my 10th Blogoversary year. My Dad would be wicked happy knowing that as he was always so very supportive of my writings (offline) as a writer and poet as much as he encouraged me as much as Mum to pursue blogging and sharing my readerly life online. He even found tweeting interesting even if he never quite said it properly, he loved hearing stories about my adventures online and the connections I had made with writers, authors, bloggers and readers alike and that included the conversations I shared through @SatBookChat as well.
December 2022 was the first December in a long time I didn’t do anything for #blogmas because it just didn’t feel like it this year at all. I was more concerned about my Dad being in isolation than I felt the Christmassy spirit to blog. It was a hard Christmas and New Year’s from that standpoint. I’m not worried about what I didn’t do either. This is a New Year and it is one where I’ll be redefining how I blog and read as I go along as I know there are more changes coming in my life right that I may or may not be ready to handle. I’m just thankful Mum and I have an unexpected support system locally of whom can help us get through everything that is changing within our family.
For those of you who have reached out to me privately or on Twitter or I have reached out to you privately as well — I appreciate your words of support and encouragement. None of this has been easy and I know 2023 is going to be a year which will feel bittersweet in places and joyful in others all the way round. Somehow we find our strength when we need it most and sometimes, Hope is what anchours us to tomorrow. I appreciate your patience in waiting for me to return, if you’ve staid a follower of mine (ie. blog or Twitter or both) and I am hoping that no one else had as hard of an ending to 2022 as I did nor are having a harder beginning to 2023.
Although this is more of a life update than a readerly one,
Kindly read through my archives for #TheSundayPost
As previously mentioned on Twitter: IF you’ve read a story this January you feel I might enjoy myself as I love reading Historical Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, relationship-based romances, and Mysteries — kindly leave me a comment with a link to your post/review on your blog and I’ll be glad to visit you in return.
{Sources: Blog graphics created in Canva: #TheSundayPost banner as well as the Note of Sorrow banner and the Comment Box banner.}
Copyright © Jorie Loves A Story, 2023.
I’m a social reader | I share my bookish life via Twitter:
.@joriestory NEW #TheSundayPost🗞️
* A journal of my life (as 2022 merged into '23)
* Sorrow from losing 2x cats in 2x months
* Fighting to advocate for my Dad's health
* Keeping Hope alive despite the Chaos💜🦝https://t.co/S5dZY8l2pd pic.twitter.com/jV2GZHhPgG
— Jorie Story 📖🎧 (@joriestory) January 15, 2023
Comments via twitter:
Just finished your post, Jorie. I’m hugely sorry for all that you, your mum & dad are going through. I’m full of admiration for your strength, but so sad that you have to expend a lot of it simply fighting for the right care. Sending hugs & every positive wish for the coming days
— Clare Chase (@ClareChase_) January 15, 2023
Oh Jorie
It saddens me greatly to hear of your struggles. I can only admire your strength in dealing with such adversity as what you’re coping with would have broken many.I hope 2023 brings you some respite from the darkness, and if my rambles can help, just reach out. BIG HUGZ
— Marcus Lee (@MarcusLeebooks) January 15, 2023
Jorie, here’s a big hug. We are so sorry you and your mom are going through all this. Know you are in our thoughts and prayers. And keep your eyes open in case a new emotional support cat appears at your door. 🤗
— Edale Lane (@EdaleLane) January 15, 2023
Wow, what an awful but incredible journey you’ve been on. Read your Oct & this post back to back and just wanted to comment before I gotta go do mom-stuff. To reiterate, I’ve been reading this hurting along with you. Last year was painful for me too (though our baby girl lightened a lot of that load) and it seems like so many others have been struggling with loss and health. It doesn’t make it better but I hope you know you’re not alone. All that said, I feel so much that determination to push through. My mom almost died last fall as well after we lost my aunt last March, and it’s so hard to see someone fade so quickly like that. Hospitals are soooo frustrating, and hate that doctors can’t seem go agree for the betterment of the patient. Your dad is lucky to have you and your mom advocating for him and being frankly awesome warrior women through it all. They say you really discover what you’re made of through adversity and I hope it’s some comfort knowing you’re so much stronger than you might have thought you were. And that you have been and will pull through all this. Keep hanging on and know we’re all still here with you, friend 🤗
Dear Jorie, I’m so very glad to hear that things are looking more positive now and that your dad will hopefully move on to the type of care you want for him. Wishing him strong progress and very best wishes on his birthday too. It’s really good to know you and your mum are also taking care of yourselves. It’s not easy to do when you’re under pressure, I’m sure, and I really applaud your stoicism and the way you’re going about everything. I hope the gym trips work out well. Take good care and thinking you. Sending big hugs too.
Dearest Ms Chase,
Forgive me. I thought for sure I had logged back into my blog LONG BEFORE NOW to respond to this beautiful message and clearly, that was my intention but I somehow failed to execute! :( I’ve just released the follow-up #TheSundayPost this morning about Dad, Mum and I. It was a bit overdue but it took me a bit to find the mental space to search for the right words to talk about what has been going on with us in the weeks since I disclosed what was happening in January. I have found writing these kinds of posts is helping me with my own mental health and outlook as much as it feels good to share in case others are struggling through the same circumstances and can find out there are others out here rowing the same boat, too.
This time round, I have some more positive news to share — whilst I am still very grateful and appreciative for all the kind support I’ve been receiving. Some days are harder than others but we’ve been getting through it bit by bit. Even Dad. He’s striving towards his new normal and sorting out his life now as best he can and we’re behind him with supportive encouragement as I know its hard as he’s currently unable to walk. He’s lost so much weight he struggles to hold himself properly to walk without assistance. His care team is also very encouraging and that helps us, too. Gives us a bit of relief knowing how well their monitoring him medically but also, securing his physical needs as well in regards to healing and recovery, too.
On that note, I told Mum we have to continue to make changes to help ourselves, too. You’ll read a bit about that on today’s post but in the next one I’ll be sharing other changes we’ve been doing, too. As like you said, if the caregivers don’t focus on themselves their health can suffer, too.
Your comments about how I’ve been journalling these moments of my life was very kind and appreciated. I never know how these posts will translate to others as their very interpersonal and difficult to write for me as a blogger but I feel compelled to be transparent and honest with it all, too.
Sending blessings and joy back to you and your family. Bless you for being such a supportive friend in my life.
Dearest Jorie, please don’t worry a bit about when you reply or even if you do. You have so much to deal with right now. I think you’re doing amazingly to provide any kind of update. I’ve just read your latest post and responded there, but I’m so glad there’s some positive news, though flabbergasted at the way your mum’s employers have behaved. Thank you for your kind wishes for me and my family and I’m thinking of you and yours and sending you all my very best wishes too. I wish things weren’t so difficult for you all.
Dearest Ms Chase,
I’ll be honest – for a while there, I had forgotten to update ANYONE about what I was going through. It just felt all too consuming and overwhelming. Then, it hit me like a bolt of lightning, and I was feeling especially guilty for just having ::disappeared:: online. I mean, I figured at some point when I could re-emerge those who stood by me would understand but for a while I just lost my footing with everything in my life. I even struggled to get through my night shifts because emotionally I was just destroyed, and it provided me with an outlet of where I could refocus on something outside of myself and what we were facing together as a family. I wasn’t even sure where to begin to start again. Until I remembered about #TheSundayPost and it just sort of clicked for me from there. My blog was a saving grace for me in the past and this 10th year, I feel it is going to be restorative grace once more for me as I shift forward again into a future that is still very unknown for us as a family. Despite the obstacles, you were right about our fortitude. Somehow someway we always find a way forward and a way to transcend our adversities. We all have something to get through in life but we’re also the ones in control of our attitude and our outlooks. Even if darkness arrives in hours, we’re not foreseeing it to arrive, we have to strive towards the Light and that is what Mum and I have been doing and we hope that it is rubbing off on my Dad. As I know his path right now is fiercely hard but we’re right there with him. The hardest part of course is the separation. I pray in future days and months things will have continued to improve but I also know nothing is that certain right now so I’m just taking it one day at a time, as is Mum.
Your notes truly touched my heart and gave my soul a boost.
My gosh…and I thought I had it bad with my 95-yo mother who recently went from hospital to rehab facility, where she was doing fairly well but then caught COVID and died 4 days later. But no, you have it much, much, much harder than me with everything going on with your dad and then your dear kitties dying…ugh. It is all too much!!!! I hope your dad gets the rest and care that he needs and can be home again soon! Hang in there!
Good evening, Jinjer,
Thanks for such a heartfelt message!! I appreciated it. I felt bad for YOU though! I mean, that’s a LOT to handle in of itself — especially as shew as on track to enter rehab, etc. I think we both mutually felt the other had a lot to handle and get through due to our respective circumstances. I will share a bit of a secret, when we lost our 18 year old cat in October, I had a bad feeling we might lose our Tux. Then, when my father’s medical isues started to stack up visits to the ER and the hospital and then, followed with rehab, etc. I worried that he might not survive the holidays and Mum shared those feelings with me. To be here today, where he made such a strong turnabout from the weekend, and even, from last Thursday where it was an entirely different outlook on his prognosis — it was beautiful just to celebrate his birthday. He turnt 78.
Bless you for your wonderfully encouraging words and support.
These kinds of messages are a balm to my weathered soul and Mum’s too, as I regularly share the messages arriving on my blog and/or on my Twitter feeds. I am sending hugs of gratitude to you and also, sympathies for the passing of your Mum. It is never easy to say goodbye to family and it is even harder I feel when its one of our parents. Prayers returnt to you and yours.
I’m sorry about everything you’re going through. That’s a lot. *Hugs*
Hallo, Hallo AJ,
Thank you for spending time with me to read about what is going on with my Dad. I know it wasn’t an easy read. I just felt like I needed to share what was going on with us and hoping that it might help someone else along the way, too. I appreciate your support and kind words. I can tell you, its his birthday today and he’s made some positive changes since the weekend. He’s awake and alert and he’s able to talk to us. I’ll give a better update lateron in the week, but given how he was last Thursday til now — it feels like a lifetime has gone past us. We’re holding onto these moments and taking it all day to day. Bless you for sharing your support and I hope you’ll have a lovely 2023 without this kind of stress afflicting your life or your families. *big hugs in return!*
Hi Jorie!! You have a lot right now. I’m going through something similar with my mom and rehab. It IS exhaustinjg, and you absolutely have to be your own adovcate (or your loved ones’). He’s lucky to have you though. And I of course am so sorry about your cats as well. You’re right, they make wonderful companions. will be praying/ sending positive vibes for you and your fam.
Dearest Greg,
First off, I am so very sorry to hear that you’re going through something similar with your Mom! :( I never want someone to experience this because it is so brutal on your soul and heart. I am hoping that she will excel through your own advocacy — I will say, that it does help if someone has a POA (Power of Attorney), which is something we didn’t have ourselves until my Dad started to shift from private insurance to Medicaid (for long-term care purposes). You might want to check into that in case you haven’t already. I can say, despite the hurdles, because she has it, somehow it is becoming the final word when they try to push us in directions we don’t want to go. It should be that way, but sometimes you have to be bolder because they seem to have their own agenda that doesn’t align with the patient or the families’ choices.
Oh, my… my dear cats. I’ll never forget the happy memories of their presence in our lives and I am grateful I have loads of rolls of film with their smiling faces on them! I even have some videos I think when they were younger. I look forward to compiling those one day into albums but also journalling their own story one day too with those photographs. I’d love to enlarge some of them, too as I caught a few wicked wonderful portrait ones, too over the years.
I appreciate your encouraging words and prayers; we’ve needed all the support we can find and just your visit to my blog helped me because of how hard it was for me to compose it. I wasn’t sure what I should share but I decided to be openly honest in case it might help someone else. Either going through something similar and know it happens to someone else too or someone who might not have even known this is going on in medical care today.
Likewise, I’ll be keeping you and your family in my own prayers and hoping for good news from you as well. On that note, today is my Dad’s birthday and we’re celebrating the fact he’s made a positive turnaround since the weekend. His breathing is much improved, he’s awake and he’s able to talk to us, too. It feels like such a long distance since Thursday when he was in the ICU and had difficulties breathing. May we each find the small joys along the way and hold fast to the positive changes in our loved ones’ health and recover. Many blessings back to you Greg. *big hugs*
Oh Jorie, I’m so sorry to read about everything that’s been going on. It’s a severe understatement for me to say that sounds absolutely awful. I’m proud of you and your Mom for advocating so fiercely for your Dad…it’s not easy to do when medical staff want to rush the process or expect you to go along with what they say. And on top of that with the cats…been there and it’s very hard to deal with the loss of a pet…I still tear up when I think about my own experiences. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and good vibes. I hope things start to look up for you and your family. <3
Hallo, Hallo Celeste,
Very true words — it has been awful and sometimes, I find there just aren’t the right words to describe the situation at all. It is mind-numbing and it is emotionally shattering but somehow you have to pull yourself together and fight again the next day. We’ve become experts at advocating for his rights and his care now. Thankfully his current team of nurses are very compassionate and caring; to where you can tell their trying to help hiim recover each day and take it personally if he falls behind. We feel blessed for his current care team as the previous ones weren’t quite on the same page as we were working towards his recovery.
You’re quite right on that! They try to rush you and make choices that do not align with your own choice and that’s just not right. I was weighing what to share and what not to share in regards to all of this but in the end, I decided, what if this story helps someone else? What if someone else doesn’t know about this and how it can happen to someone they love and maybe it might bolster their courage when the time comes, too? Or at the very least, if someone else went through it I hoped they know that we’re not alone in that struggle and fight and that it takes a lot of bold courage to muddle through it.
Gosh, yes! I still have days where I feel the weight of the grief I have for my beloved cats. You never forget them or feel you’ve lost that attachment to having them around. Time does heal your heart a bit but I understand what you meant because I feel that way myself.
We’re celebrating my Dad’s birthday today and last Thursday that felt like an impossible day to have with him. He’s thankfully made a turnaround this past weekend, to where he’s alert and awake speaking with us and we’re given more time with him which is the best blessing of all. I’ll be giving another update lateron in the week but for today, we’re celebrating how hard he’s fighting and how positive his recovery is going now. He’s breathing is wayy better too and thankfully it looks like the medicine helped him heal from his illness. It is still day to day but we were able to put in a referral for a rehab/nursing facility and that made us feel better all round. His new case manager is listening to us and is respecting our choices, too which is awesome.
Thanks for reading this and for taking the time to respond. I truly appreciate the support and knowing that a very difficult post to write is resonating with those who are reading it. It was a wonderful lift to my spirits — your hugs and vibes were well received. *big hugs in return!*
I’m so sorry for what you and your family have been going through, Jorie – my heart goes out to you. It’s hugely hard to deal with such crises and if you also have to fight for what your dad needs, that must make it so much worse. I’m filled with admiration for you and your mum, pushing and pushing for the right care, and I wish it could be provided without this terrible stress. I’m thinking of you and sending fervent good wishes for your dad’s recovery and you and your mum’s well-being.
Dearest Ms Chase,
Thank you for your lovely support you’ve given me and my family throughout this whole journey of ours with Dad. I truly appreciated all the kind notes and words of encouragement. It hasn’t been easy to navigate and there have been days where we just weren’t sure how to get through them really. We’re celebrating my father’s birthday today and that didn’t even seem possible last Thursday. He’s starting to make a good turnabout this week as the weekend was when he turnt a corner for the positive. I’ll be giving a new update lateron this week, but I wanted to pop on and start to respond to my comments, as I was truly blessed to find them.
I shared your words with Mum and we’re both very appreciative of your response. We’re definitely fiercely fighting on his behalf and we finally were able to put in a referral for a rehab/nursing facility as again, this past weekend, he made stronger recovery points in the eyes of the doctors and so, at this point it looks like he can go back to a care home rather than a longer-term hospital. It is still day to day, as these things tend to be but that was good news for us as a family. We’re even getting to spend time with him in the hospital where he’s talking to us and giving us his honest reactions.
Mum and I are monitoring each other and making sure we’re mindful of our health and wellness. On that end, we checked out a local gym and we’re going to start going there three days a week and start to focus on ourselves as well. It is definitely a year for health all round for our family. Many blessings to you in return and thank you for your friendship. It has mean so much to me and you have a way of lifting my spirits when I feel especially down. Bless you for that! *big hugs*