Hallo, Hallo dear hearts!
You might have remembered a very personal reaction to my readings of “The Disconnected Man”, as not only could I find takeaways which cross-applied to my own experiences of having disconnected men in my family – what was quite interesting as I continued to think about the subject after I finished reading Mr Turner’s book is how it is true – there are some women who are also emotionally disconnected as I had experienced this as well. Therefore, it truly is an inspiring book to be reading – if only to better understand those who see and experience life differently from those of us who are emotionally connected to everything.
I wanted to start a conversation on my blog with Mr Turner which would examine what inspired him to draw the idea of the book together but also, to reach out to him and see if he could explain how this particular topic is not just of an interest of his but how this should be something everyone takes stock of and finds an a reason to become involved with how it affects more lives than you might first imagine it could. I am a strong believer in how books – Fiction or Non-Fiction – are beautiful gateways into encouraging empathy and compassion, of expanding our world-view and of giving us a path towards understanding those who are different from us. Books are a way of understanding something we might feel confused about or something we never truly knew existed until the subject was broached by an author who understood the subject well enough to make it palatable for us to feel a connection with as well. In essence, if we have an open-mind, through reading we constantly learn & grown dynamically throughout our lives.
I wanted to take a moment to have Mr Turner share his thoughts with us as an anchour to revealling my readerly reactions wherein I left behind a personal response as the book was evocative of my own experiences of striving towards better patience & humility to better understand how & why men who are disconnected need us to take extra measures to not allow our frustrations to turn to feeling bitter or left behind. You’ll have to read my ruminative thoughts to better understand why I connect to the message of The Disconnected Man – however, today, it is Mr Turner who is imparting a bit of clarity about how he approached writing his book.
I look forward to reading your responses & I am thankful I could chat with Mr Turner giving you an insightful conversation to read! Remember: brew a cuppa & enjoy your visit!
Mr Turner did not disappoint me with his frank and earnest approach to piecing together this condition of being emotionally removed from all aspects of a lived life – except to say, no one is keenly that far removed from their experiences – it’s simply a matter of how each of us approaches how to process our experiences. Of how we shape our emotional reactions and if we choose to share those bits of ourselves with others – there are layers of vulnerability not everyone is comfortable with revealling to the outside world – this in effect is one cause of disconnection.
At the end of Chapter Two is a beautiful pause of thought in how to approach the men who are disconnected in your own life. From my own experiences – leading into a conversations head-on about something that is affecting a loved one’s life hasn’t been the best approach to be honest! If anything, it’s been the wrong way round completely! I take after my Mum and the rest of the women in my family – we like a more direct approach – of understanding what is going on and how we can focus our energies on either fixing it or repairing it – depending on what it is exactly that is affecting us. We’d rather know what we can ‘do’ rather than sit and wait to see how things will resolve without taking action. This isn’t just physical action – it’s also through our own walk in prayer and our own conversations with God. Of seeking out our internal wellness even if we’re working on a physical bout of unwellness – yet, I’ve noted that not everyone likes to know exactly what is wrong or how something they are afflicted with actually has a definition and ‘name’. Some take the longer approach to resolving whatever it is they are conflicted with and that in of itself is also (at times) frustrating for others in the family.
This is a beautiful primer for women who are frustrated with the men in their lives who are not translating their emotions into their conversations and are not being ‘present’ in their lives in an emotionally connectable way. For men, I think it might take them a bit longer to accept the message and to consider the implications – of how staying disconnected truly isn’t advantageous to them because it allows them to live superficially removed from the people who are important in their lives.
As I was reading the story about Mr Turner, I was cross-comparing his journey with those men in my lives I know this condition relates to directly. There are commonalities and there are differences as everyone is individually unique unto themselves and of course, on a different path from one another as well. What was pivotal and insightful is how he presented the case for disconnection becoming the mainstay in our society and how there are more disconnected men than there are connected men.
-quoted from my review of “The Disconnected Man”
Author Q&A (The Disconnected Man)
Subtitle: breaking down walls and restoring intimacy with him
by Jim Turner
THE DISCONNECTED MAN tracks the journey of one man's surprise discovery of his own disconnectedness and his desire to help other men, and the women who love them, before it is too late.
Disconnected men hide out in plain view: in our churches, in our families and in our communities. They are competent, capable men who quietly 'do their duty' and attract little attention. They are fairly happy guys, relatively unemotional and capable of carrying heavy loads of responsibility, but are very difficult to get to know beyond superficial friendship. A closer examination inside their marriages reveals a desert strewn with emotionally emaciated spouses. While their competence may build the church, organize a group, or run a company, they haven't the slightest notion how to connect intimately with those they love. Their wives suffer, usually in silence, while the church and culture press past this couple secretly falling apart.
Jim Turner was that disconnected man going about his life, happily fulfilling his duty within his own self-protective bubble, until God suddenly burst it in a most horrific way. His story starts when that devastation left him clinging precariously to the remaining shreds of his broken marriage. Jim longs to share with other disconnected men what he learned through that ordeal, to help them understand their disobedience and show how they can achieve real connection with those they love.
Places to find the book:
Also by this author: The Disconnected Man
on 12th December, 2017
Formats Available: Hardcover, Audiobook & Ebook
Converse via: #INSPYbooks, #NonFiction #SelfHelp & #TheDisconnectedMan
What did you initially do to change your disconnected life from the moment you realized this was something which was going to adversely affect the rest of your life?
Turner responds: I wish I had a really clever answer to this question. I mostly fumbled around in a blank haze initially. I didn’t know what to do. Once the fog started lifting and I had spent enough time praying and asking God to help me, I started with my adult children. I sat them down and asked them for help. I told them what I had discovered about myself, that I really didn’t know how to do relationships, and asked them to teach me, keep me accountable, and even rebuke me when they saw me fail. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done. My kids have taught me a great deal about relating and being emotionally available!